So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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