Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
