she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
