He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
