We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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