So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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