you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
