No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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