TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
