Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
