there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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