That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
