i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
