where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
