she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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