i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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