if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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