Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
