is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hippo gnu deer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
