First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
