Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
