he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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