Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
