my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
