I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
