i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
