I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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