i may or may not be watching the land before time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
