she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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