there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
