in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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