i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
3pm strippers are depressing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
