soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
