Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
