I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
