No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
