I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
