I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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