i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize