Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
