Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
