saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize