Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize