If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
did i walk over a car last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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