Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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