Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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