I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
