I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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