i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
