@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
