There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize