She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
