What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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