I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
