ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
