Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
