Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize