you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
