The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
