FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize