If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
whose parrot is this?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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