I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
