someone threw a dead crab at me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
