she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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