Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
