i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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