Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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