I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
