So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize