I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
