just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
