You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize